Uganda: update

I'm sure most people know this already but I wanted to post on it.

After a massive campaign again this, the death penalty has been dropped from Uganda's Anti-Homosexuality Bill!

While this is a great step forward, it is worth noting that there are still a host of extreme punishments for LGBT people in the country including hard labour and long jail sentences up to life imprisonment.  The bill hasn't passed yet, but there is a strong concern that it could be voted on at any time.

Part of this reversal has been due to international pressure brought by Western leaders.  Many countries had threatened to cut off aid to the country if they included this punishment, and pressure still exists if they do not improve their record on equalities issues.

Have a look at this and this for more information.

If you want to sign another petition and keep up on other LGBT equality issues going on around the world then keep an eye on All Out.  They are a movement organising online to fight for equality the world over.  As I write this 1,218,004 people (including myself) have signed this and it is important to keep momentum for this up.

This issue came up at the conference, and it at first surprised me that many activists are against this stance.  They do not want aid cut off for human rights violations and I couldn't understand why.  But it's for the best possible reason: if aid is cut off due to violations against LGBT people then this is going to have a dangerous impact on the members of that community in Uganda.  They would be blamed for worsening conditions and for vital supplies not getting to people living in horrific circumstances.  The already high risk of abuse, violence and death that exists would increase exponentially.

I can only hope that David Cameron and other political leaders see the sense in this and don't take any action that could worsen already intolerable conditions for LGBT people in Uganda. 

A small battle was won this week, but this fight is far from over, and while politicians negotiate and apply pressure, our LGBT brothers and sisters remain in danger and at threat of violence and persecution.

Uganda...'nuff said

It always amazes me that in Western nations we talk about the campaign for gay rights coming so far.  And it has.  We have equality in many areas of life and campaigns are ongoing in others (see a recent post on same-sex marriage).

And because of this it's easy to overlook and forget developing nations where things are far from equal or even safe.

Like Uganda, for example.

Have a read at this.  And while you're at it, this.

Anti-gay bills and zealous hatred of homosexuality is nothing new for Uganda, it's neighbour Kenya and other African nations such as Malawi.  Men and women are outted in national papers.  They are killed, in some cases by family, friends and neighbours.  It is not safe to be LGBT in many countries on the African continent.  Your life can literally hang in the balance if you are outted.

A quote from a BBC article a few months ago summed it up for me: "what I'm worried about most is not even the police coming to arrest me, it's my neighbour attacking me".  For anyone who thinks this may be an overdramatisation, in January 2011, Ugandan gay rights activist David Kato was killed in what was widely believed to be a hate crime.

In 2011, Radio 1 DJ Scott Mills filmed a documentary called "The World's Worst Place to Be Gay?"  I'd encourage everyone to watch it.  But prepare yourself first.

Earlier this year Uganda's government tried to introduce a similar bill which among other things, introduced punishments up to and including life in prison and the death penalty if you were found guilty of homosexual offences.  The bill was stopped in part due to an internet campaign that collected more than 800,000 signatures.

There is another petition currently being run by the organisation Avaaz and they are trying to collect 2,000,000 signatures this time round to try and stop this.  Please take a few seconds to support this petition. 

It is important that supporters of equality the world over spread the message and make a statement: equality for all!

I've been asked by people why we still fight for equality, why we still hold Pride marches and why we mark things like LGBT month.  But this is why.  It's to send a message that we're not finished yet, we're not entirely equal.  It's to say that there are other LGBT people in the world that are still suffering and fighting for things that we take for granted.

And it's to give the LGBT community in those countries hope. 

Things can get better, and we're in it with you.

Two little words...one huge meaning

I do.

Two little words, one huge meaning.

Following on from a previous post, I'm delighted to confirm that yes, we are getting married.  On the 6th April, 3 days after our 4th anniversary, we will be walking down an aisle, swapping some pretty jewellry, saying some lovely words and doing it all in front of our nearest and dearst.

Before I go any further I want to clarify something, we are having a Civil Partnership NOT a wedding, but to me the two things are the same so I refer to it as a wedding.  Just in case anyone is interested, David doesn't.

For me it's a principle: our civil partnership is every bit as valid as a wedding between a heterosexual couple.

Until same-sex marriage is introduced fully I will continue to refer to our day as wedding and David as my husband...because that's what he will be.

Anyway.  So yes, we're getting married (see I did it again).  But this isn't a self-indulgant post about our relationship, although I could do that I suppose.  This is a post about same-sex marriage.

Under the terms of the Civil Partnership Act (2004), LGBT couples in Britain have been able to enter into Civil Partnerships since December 2005.  Since their introduction, 53,417 couples had been entered into up until the end of December 2011.  That is 106,834 people who have chosen to signify their relationship in such a way, a massive difference from the conservative estimates of 11,000 - 22,000 couples expected to enter into a Civil Partnership by 2010.

Something I found interesting was that figures for dissolution of Civil Partnerships were 6.6%, while the numbers of married couples divorcing are increasing year on year, the figure being 11.1% in 2011.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to imply that couples in Civil Partnerships are in some ways more stable than married couple.  If I was going to draw a conclusion I would say that many LGBT couples waited a long time for Civil Partnerships to be introduced and those long terms couples chose this step.  In 2011 the average was 40 for men and 38 for women.

We're seven years on from the introduction of CP's in Britain now so what next?

Well, the Scottish Executive is aiming to introduce same-sex marriage to Scotland by 2015 and doing so in the face of a vitriolic campaign being headed up by the Catholic Church in Scotland.  This has led to a degradation of relations between the government and the church, but personally, I can't say that that upsets me particularly.

In the rest of the UK, after a consultation, the British Government has announced that they will introduce same-sex marriage in England and Wales, a move that I very much support.  They haven't announced when they intend to try and introduce legislation, but have said they will allow MPs a free vote and not put a party whip in place.  Again, something I support.  Some organisations (the Campaign for Marriage, and the Coalition 4 Equal Marriage) have started to compile lists of how MPs will vote...but we'll have to watch this space on that one.

Many senior political figures are supporting same-sex marriage, and surprisingly, many senior Tory figures.  George Osbourne, Chancellor of the Exchequer, said he would vote in favour because the Conservative Party supported "institutions of committment".  I never thought I'd agree with a Conservative MP but I was pleased to read that.  But moreso in politics, actions speak louder than words.

Campaign lines have been drawn, and although I'd like to objective, I'm not when it comes to this issue, but suffice to say the one against equality is disgusting.  On a more positive note, the C4EM released this advert:

I love this, and I was so happy to see it appear on TV!  I'm sure this is not a universally held position, but everyone I spoke to who has seen this loves it.  Several cried...I didn't but I can understand why, it really is a beautiful thing to watch.

I'm going to be positive and think towards the introduction of equal marriage.

What do couples do then?  Retain their Civil Partnership or upgrade?  We've discussed it and decided we'll upgrade, it's what we want and as we're entering into a marriage, in practice if not in law, then once same-sex marriage is legal you better believe that we'll be getting that piece of paper!

This won't be my last post on the topic...I know I'll be blogging about the wedding if nothing else, but I hope that Britain continues to take positive steps forward and we can have marriage for all.

Civil Partnerships were the start...they need not be the end.

Has kindness gone out of the world?

I'm going to a funeral tomorrow.

I'm not saying that to get any kind of sympathy or to publicise myself.  Honestly.

The funeral is for an incredible woman, someone who I've come to admire and look up to over the last year.  I won't go into detail about her story because it's not mine to tell, it's her families and I wouldn't put something like that out there in the public arena.  She had an enduring illness that she thought she'd been several months ago and in the last four weeks went from feeling ill to passing away surrounded by her nearest and dearest.

Tragic doesn't begin to explain it.  Angry can't sum up how the people around her feel.

But this blog entry isn't about that.  It's not about her death or how people were affected by it.  As I've said, that's someone elses story, certainly not mine to tell.

This post is about people.  It's about their attitude to one another and a sense of community, or lack of.

To provide a bit of context, I managed this person...let's call her Sally.

When she became ill a year ago I actively supported her by including her in team social events, inviting her to team meetings (on her terms and when she felt strong enough), calling her every week to check in and see if there was anything I could and as a wider team we clubbed together and bought her things just to make her feel better.

This last month when she became ill, when it became much worse, I fought tooth and nail with management and HR to make sure that we could provide whatever support, emotional and financial, that we could as an employer to relieve any worry she had and try and relieve some little burden.  Colleages (and friends) or mine would go and visit just to have a cup of tea and provide company.  They would bring magazines, smiles and the best company possible. 

Just because they could. 

In fact they made a point of visiting two days before she died so she knew she was loved and thought of.  So they could bring whatever comfort they could to a woman struggling with the end of her life.  So she would know she would be remembered.

The things that we all did were small kindnesses, the very basic things that we could do for another person.

This morning at our departmental meeting the three of us were specifically singled out and thanked for the support we had offered Sally in the last weeks of her life.  It was my manager thanking us (he's a great guy) and while I appreciated the sentiment, I was embarrassed to be thanked for something that should have been a given.

I would have made the same effort for anyone in my team.  If I'm honest I would make the same effort for pretty much anyone I know.  When I spoke to the other people mentioned they agreed that they would do the same.

I'm coming to a point soon, honestly, just stay with me through this.

It got me thinking about out attitudes towards our fellow man.  How we relate to them, the effort we make and what we think we should or could do.  So my question is this: has basic human kindness gone out of the world?

In the last 24 hours the British government has stated that it wants to recruit and train 1 millions volunteers to work with elderly people with dementia, to become "dementia friends".  More than 700 people are affected by dementia in England alone, leading to it being called a national epidemic.

Anyone interested in taking part can find more info here.

In the last 10 years the numbers of people volunteering with the elderly has decreased, and as times have gotten hard, people have become more inward looking, less likely to donate even their time or help people around them.  In recent decades that would have been unthinkable.  The concept of community, togetherness and supporting your fellow many was all pervading in many communities, particularly those from deprived areas.  There was a definite sense of "we're in this together" that has disappeared in past years.

Have people stopped caring about one another?

I volunteer every Tuesday night with an LGBT youth group.  I don't do it for any other reason other than as a gay man and member of the LGBT community I feel I should.  I have been incredibly fortunate to have the friends, family and support I have and have had a very positive experience coming out (ok it was 11 years ago, but still, I'm only 29) and I felt that I had to give something back to my community.

When friends found out some of them where horrified I was volunteering.  "How can you be bothered?" "Where do you find the time?" "I'm far too busy to do anything like that!".  Some of these comments have come from people who, while they have busy jobs, spend their evenings doing very little.

My better half recently helped an old man in the street who had fallen over and was in some distress.  This was in front of a busy set of bus stops and he was the ONLY person who moved to help this very vulnerable man.

This isn't to say that we are virtuous, generous people, far from it.  But the way we've been raised, the examples we had as children and the friends we have in our lives make this not unusual things to do.  Looking at the wider world it seems to be increasingly rare to find people willing to embrace that sense of community, to put themselves out for their fellow man.

So, my friends, I ask you, has the kindness gone out of the world?  Are we unwilling, or unable, to put ourselves out for one another?  Do we still retain a sense of community where we live?

The War Against Fleas (update)

For anyone rolling your eyes reading this (and I wouldn't blame you) I am aware that this was originally a topic from over a year ago.  I haven't lost my mind or a year of my life.  In the interest of completeness I feel like I need to bring this to a close.

We waged a long and confusing war against fleas.

Confusing because we have a house cat and live one storey up in a flat.  None of our regular visitors have cats or other pets so how the hell Millie managed to get fleas we'll never know.

We used several treatments several times over a couple of months.  Bob Martin?  Shite.  Front Line?  Useless.  Prescription Front Line?  Nope, did nothing.  To say we were at our wits end would be an understatement.  Poor Millie was not happy, David was being bitten to pieces (he's clearly hotter than I am) and I was slowly losing my mind.

Eventually we gave in and went to the vets who chastised me for using the above products, checked over the cat and wrote us a prescription for something I cannot remember and couldn't spell or pronounce even if I could.

Two days later she was clear.

So in the end the fleas lost, and to prevent any hint of rebellion, we now treat Millie every three months to give us all a happier life.  Such an easy solution we should have been doing it from the start.

Speaking of which...

Fleas 1 - 1 People

Ah fleas, fleas, fleas.

The war continues.

After a frantic five hour clean last Friday and treating Millie, we discovered that nothing had worked.  By Monday they were flouting their continued mortality in our faces.  1-0 to the fleas.  There had been a noticeable reduction, probably due to my crazy cleaning schedule, but they were still here.

So further action had to be taken.

A quick trip to Pets At Home, an overly expensive purchase of Frontline Spot-On later, and we thought we were sorted.  By Wednesday, there was no sign it was working.  Panic was beginning to set in.  I had images of us having to get an exterminator in to fumigate the place.  But then on Thursday there was a light at the end of the tunnel.  The fleas started dying!

By Friday there were only a few fleas, and as of this morning, they are scurrying for their young, insectoid lives.  So the score currently is:

Fleas 1 - 1 People.

Let the attack begin

There are ten countries in the world that have legalised same-sex marriage; the Scottish Executive is planning to consult on whether or not Scotland should become the eleventh.

Have a look at this.

I'm proud to be Scottish, and I am proud to be gay.  Both of these things are parts of my identity, and both have been important to helping me become the person I am. 

When I first read this article I was angry.

Here is Bishop Tartaglia, a representative of the Catholic Church in Scotland and he has the audacity to talk about "the religious and moral education of children and young people".  Really?  REALLY?!  Considering the scandal and controversy of clergy in the Catholic Church, and the steady stream of accusations that comes out year on year, I hardly think Bishop Tartaglia is in a position to talk about moral education.  Here is a man who is attacking the rights of people to express their love and committment to one another the same as everyone else.  How dare he!

But on reflection I'm glad he's launching his campaign.  Yes, you read that correctly, I'm glad.

He is bringing what is an important issue to the public consciousness.  By challenging the consultation on same-sex marriage that the Scottish Executive is launching, he is forcing people to think about an issue they might not have paid much attention to.  People will be educated, and educating themselves, on same-sex marriage and what they think about it.  Surely that can only be a good thing?

No doubt there will be LGBT groups preparing a counter campaign and argument at this very moment, and it will be through the discourse of these two sides that hopefully people will find a middle ground they can relate to and be able to make an informed decision on what they believe. 

In my opinion, the voice of the Catholic Church has become very much diluted in the public consciousness, but I would encourage Bishop Tartaglia to go forward with his plans to send postcards to 100,000 parishioners opposing this important step forward, he's doing us a favour.

It gives me hope that Portugal and Spain, two countries known for being over-whelmingly Catholic and conservative, are two of the countries in that exclusive club Scotland are looking to join.  Same-sex marriage in Scotland will be an important step forward for equality law all around the world, and will hopefully set a benchmark on this issue around Britain.

I hope when that happens Bishop Tartaglia realises the important part he played in that victory.

A bit of culture this way comes

Swindon isn't a place that is known for being particularly tolerant to anyone.  Well, unless you happen to be white, English and from "round here".

So imagine my surprise when I came across this.

As a gay man considered a foreigner by many in Swindon, despite being Scottish, I think this represents a huge step forward, both for library system here and the town itself.  I haven't yet been in to Central Library to have a look at their LGBT collection, but as I work quite close it's on my list of exciting lunchtime activities to do this week.  I'm cautiously hopeful that it will be a collection and not just one or two books on a shelf, and represent a real step forward for LGBT education in Swindon.  Let's face it, it's in dire need.

For various reasons we weren't able to make it along to the showing, which was disappointing for both of us.  Having wanted to see A Single Man for a while now, Central Library showing it has given me the impetous to push it to the top of my list.

Seeing the library do something so positive makes me think back to something similar I tried to do that fell flat on it's arse.

My last job was with a local FE college, so the students who attend tend to be those who have dropped out of school for various reasons, may have issues that make main stream schooling difficult, or people who just didn't get the grades they needed to go to an HE college or university.

Over the course of the year I had delivered several sessions to students on equality, nothing heavy or particularly detailed, just touching on the issue.  The response I got was frightening because so many of the young people were narrow minded, unaware of wider social issues and by and large just discriminatory.  And these were students who wanted to be teachers, nurses or work in similar fields.  Needless to say I was terrified. 

It was clear that a lot of these young people had barely travelled outside of Wiltshire, some outside of their own towns and hadn't engaged with anyone else that wasn't "like them".  That should have been my first clue.

In my naïveté, I had thought it would be a good idea to mark this year's LGBT History Month by holding an open showing of the film Milk.  For anyone who hasn't seen it, it's the biopic of Harvey Milk who was an LGBT activist and politician.  It's a fantastic piece of cinema, and a film that's had a huge affect on me.  Man was I short sighted.

Having gotten some of the teaching staff on board, three or four classes were brought down, all Level 3, so those students who are supposedly ready to go to university. 

The showing was horrendous.

They struggled to keep their attention on the film, were restless, didn't care about the underlying issues that it raised and generally disrespected the whole experience.  Now I respect everyone's right to an opinion, and some of those watching the film may be opposed to LGBT rights or same sex relationships and that is their right. 

But I took great offence when almost the entire hall CHEERED when the scene depicting Harvey Milk's assassination was shown.
This isn't a rant about how homophobic these students were, or anything like that. 

I'm sure the majority of them aren't.  This is a comment on education and tolerance.  And not just education on LGBT issues, but any diversity issue.  I'm pretty sure that if I'd shown Monsters Ball or Schindler's List the reaction would have been the same. 

Education comes from lots of places.  The media, home, peer groups, schools, colleges and universities.  Hell even grafiti on the street. 

Considering this area is so lacking in this, I applaud Swindon Central Library for taking such a bold and brave step forward.

What a week!

First of all, apologies for the lack of posts this week, it's been a hectic week at work and at home.

I started a new job a couple of months ago (I'm going to keep it quiet what I do) and I really like it.  The team of people I work with are really nice, easy going people who work damn hard and complain so little.  When I started I was told that every day is different.  In other jobs this is just something you're told that's rarely true.  Not so with this one.

This week I have visited four sites I had never been too, played spy by having to drive around observing a bus driver, read up on the terms of a contract and ran a very successful (if I do say so myself) focus group.  Never have I ever been able to act like a spy and be paid for it!!!

Things at home have been busy as well. 

We've been out on a couple of more dates.  Seems like a silly thing, but it's amazing the wonders it can do for your relationship.  We've always been close as a couple, but this week it feels like we've managed to get even closer, it's lovely.  At the start of the week we went to the wonderful Bottelinos for dinner.  It's five minutes walk and the food is to die for.  And they do the best bottle (yes, always a bottle) of Pinot Grigio that I've ever had.  Well worth the money!  The second date was just a quick bite to eat at a Wotherspoons one night after work.  Cheap, cheerful and relaxing!

But the biggest thing that has consumed our household over the last couple of days is fleas!  Disgusting little blighters.

Despite Millie being a house cat, she has picked up fleas from somewhere.  Not quite sure how the hell this has happened, if anyone has any thoughts then PLEASE leave a comment, but it has taken over everything.  As David is at work, I've been doing the housework.  And I think I might have taken it a bit far.

Apart from treating the cat for fleas, which hasn't worked so we need to do it again on Tuesday with a different product, I spent FIVE hours on Friday boil washing bed clothes and towels, bleach washing every surface the cat can possible get on to, and a few she can't, and hoovering everywhere.  Repeatedly.

Yesterday morning I was hoovering at 8am.  The neighbours weren't happy but David slept through the whole ordeal.

And we both have phantom itches when in the living room.  I've read about this online and apparently it's quite common, but man is it annoying!  Through it all Millie has looked a little perturbed at us doing the extreme cleaning and annoyed that I'm brushing her fur all the time. 

Please tell me I'm not the only person whose gone to this extreme? 

Oh, and the other thing that's happened this week is we've started properly talking and planning our Civil Partnership, but more on that little event another time!

Driving, oh driving, why do you torture me so?

Back in March I started taking driving lessons again.  Six months later and I've made huge strides, but it torments me.

I'm 28 and originally took lessons (under duress) when I was 18.  I hated it.  It made me nervous, my instructor was an arsehole (pardon my language) and it just wasn't for me.  So at the earliest opportunity, away went the lessons.  Financial difficulties you see.

And for nearly ten years I was able to put my (lack of) ability to drive in a box and ignore it.  Everywhere I had lived and worked had great public transport links so it wasn't all that important. 

And then something changed.

Last August I started a job that made driving compulsory.  Despite my lack of a licence I was hired, but on the condition that I passed my test as quickly as possible.  Being the master of procrastination, I managed to sneak under the radar for a couple of months.  Not my proudest moment, but the thought of getting behind the wheel of a car again made me break out in cold sweats.

So I started with a highly recommended instructor, and to be fair, he is amazing.  It's like learning to drive with Yoda.  He always knows what I'm thinking and has brought my writing on leaps and bounds.  I even booked my driving test!  It seems like something trivial, but that was a huge step for me, and really told me how far I'd come, mentally if nothing else.

Then I hit a block.

Bad, bad lessons.  Endlessly bad lessons.  So many bad lessons that my confidence was shot to hell.  Ok, upon reflection it was probably only three or four, but it was enough to knock back all that progress.  And during the week I took the decision to move my test back.  If I don't feel confident about passing at this point then going and sitting a test would be a stupid move.

Today I had another lesson, and I don't mind admitting that I was worried...ok I was shitting a brick (again, sorry for the language).

But it was good, for once.

We went back to basics for the first part of the lesson and what a difference.  Mentally, I felt more sorted, and technically it was a huge improvement.  The first of many good lessons I'm hoping.

So what is my point with this post?

Well, firstly I just want to rant about driving and how it's been the bane of my life for nearly ten years now.

But more importantly, this has been something hanging over my head like a noose.  It has weighed me down and worried me for a long time with.  After getting a good boot up the arse by a good friend (I'm not apologising for the language anymore) and having a good instructor and my partner to rant to, I'm able to overcome it.

If I can get to booking my driving test then anyone can.

Is It Just Me....?

Well, is it?  I should probably explain before anyone can answer that question.

Every now and then, my partner and I buy Attitude.  This is a gay lifestyle (the UK's best selling magazine according to a strap at the top).  I've been reading Attitude on and off for a long time, probably about ten years now. 

In my early twenties it was an essential buy, I had it's release date marked on my calendar and eagerly rushed to WH Smith to buy it...although I always had a non-transparent bag to hand to thrust it into in case someone caught a look of it.  I was out and proud, but normally in the confines of my own home.  And if I'm honest, it did seem to represent the lifestyle I was living and seeing on a daily basis.  At the time. 

But I thought that had changed.

Where the hell was I when it didn't?!

This months Attitude is their annual sex issue.  I had bought this thinking there were going to be articles away from the usual smut, and to be fair there are. 

Paul Flynn's "Just sayin'...." was an interesting take on why sleeping with a straight man isn't the "Holy Grail of sex".  It's witty, personal and entertaining, while leaving you nodding your head.  There's a thought provoking, though biased, look at threesomes and an article on gay men becoming fathers that I've yet to properly look at.

Yet it left me with an empty feeling deep in that heart of mine.

Few of the men in the magazine seemed to have the kind of body shape and look of the men in my life.  Hell, there didn't seem to be a man with a waist size bigger than a 34.  Myself and my partner are...generously proportioned men.  Let's leave it at that.  It would be nice for once to see someone who looks like us and the people we know.  Figures vary, but apparently the average waist size of British men is 38 inches.  Where are these men?

This line of thinking led me to looking at the gay men represented on television. 

Eastenders have the obscenely muscled and toned Christian Clarke, played by John Patridge; Hollyoaks have the twink-like Ste Hay played by Kieron Richardson; and Emmerdale has the chavy looking Aaron Livesy who is portrayed by the talented Danny Miller.

I don't look like any of those men.  Really, REALLY don't.  Not anywhere near.  Couldn't be farther from it.

Now, my own body issues aside, am I unreasonable for wanting to see some more realistic looking gay men in magazines and on TV?  The gay community has a huge collage of sub cultures with the most diverse men.  From bears and cubs to twinks and daddys and chickens and chickenhawks, there's a lot more to gay men than what we see represented.

From Attitude's point of view I can understand that they need to pitch to a particular audience, and as a lot of the lifestyle spreads they print focus on clothes (with respect, there is not the same disproportionate number of spreads on clothes as there used to be), they want to show a certain kind of man.  But for once, just for once, I'd love to see an issue that is filled with average sized men.  Or at least average sized as I see it in my day-to-day life.

So I ask you, is it just me?