Saturday, 1 December 2012
Monday, 26 November 2012
One small step for the LGBT Community...one giant leap for LGBT people
Coming out stories are funny things. They can cover such a wide variety of topics and each is so individual.
It used to be that "Coming Out" was about the LGBT community, but I've noticed that that's changed in recent years. I know people who have Come Out as Conservatives, sci-fi geeks and one very confused person who Came Out as a Spice Girls fan.
But the best stories are still the classics: LGBT people coming to terms with their sexuality in their own ways. And Coming Out isn't necessarily about being open with your family, it can be to colleagues, friends or even strangers.
Some really brave people even film it, something I think is truly courageous. Like this guy:
Others publish their stories on sites like the amazing rucomingout. I've often thought about maybe sending Wayne my own story but I don't reckon I've got the guts yet.
It's different for everyone.
Just mustering the courage to tell someone, anyone, can take weeks, months or years. Thankfully there are lots of websites and guides that you can find online that can give advice and information. Guides like the Stonewall Coming Out Guide. And people do it for many reasons. For me, at least, the quote below sums it up.
Emotions run high, tears are common and the reaction from friends and family not always positive. Far from it in many cases. Some people are suprised by the reaction they get, and others try and preempt it. I heard a story about someone who wasn't able to say the words so she wrote her parents a letter and left it by the phone. They read it but didn't discuss it with her which left her more confused. She was Out but not really open. Last I heard that hadn't changed.
Personally, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief, a "dropping of the facade". It felt like I was given a mandate to be myself, although it was years before I found out who that was.
I've mentioned before that I volunteer with an LGBT Youth Group, and one of the things we've been doing lately (and what prompted this post) is working on our own Coming Out stories. Not all of our young people are out to their families but most of them are out to at least some of their friends. One or two who have come along to the group have only come out to us. But they've all made the very brave step to be honest with themselves and with others.
One of them sent me their story to put up on our site. I’m not going to share it here because it’s not my story and it wouldn’t be fair. But the strength of our young people is amazing. Through working on their own stories, one has come out to his parents and another has started coming out to friends. We’d like to eventually self publish their stories (identifiable details changed of course).
At Pride this year the group had a stall. They had information about local groups (including ourselves), LGBT services and coming out. During the day an older man came up to the stand shook the hand of one of our young people, thanked them and started crying. It was his first Pride and he was overwhelmed by seeing the number of young people open and Out. He was 78 and only plucked up the courage to come out to his family the year before.
He thanked them for being brave enough to do what he couldn't.
You're never too old to be true to yourself, we all do it in our own time and when it's right for us, some people just take a little longer.
It used to be that "Coming Out" was about the LGBT community, but I've noticed that that's changed in recent years. I know people who have Come Out as Conservatives, sci-fi geeks and one very confused person who Came Out as a Spice Girls fan.
But the best stories are still the classics: LGBT people coming to terms with their sexuality in their own ways. And Coming Out isn't necessarily about being open with your family, it can be to colleagues, friends or even strangers.
Some really brave people even film it, something I think is truly courageous. Like this guy:
Others publish their stories on sites like the amazing rucomingout. I've often thought about maybe sending Wayne my own story but I don't reckon I've got the guts yet.
It's different for everyone.
Just mustering the courage to tell someone, anyone, can take weeks, months or years. Thankfully there are lots of websites and guides that you can find online that can give advice and information. Guides like the Stonewall Coming Out Guide. And people do it for many reasons. For me, at least, the quote below sums it up.
Emotions run high, tears are common and the reaction from friends and family not always positive. Far from it in many cases. Some people are suprised by the reaction they get, and others try and preempt it. I heard a story about someone who wasn't able to say the words so she wrote her parents a letter and left it by the phone. They read it but didn't discuss it with her which left her more confused. She was Out but not really open. Last I heard that hadn't changed.
Personally, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief, a "dropping of the facade". It felt like I was given a mandate to be myself, although it was years before I found out who that was.
I've mentioned before that I volunteer with an LGBT Youth Group, and one of the things we've been doing lately (and what prompted this post) is working on our own Coming Out stories. Not all of our young people are out to their families but most of them are out to at least some of their friends. One or two who have come along to the group have only come out to us. But they've all made the very brave step to be honest with themselves and with others.
One of them sent me their story to put up on our site. I’m not going to share it here because it’s not my story and it wouldn’t be fair. But the strength of our young people is amazing. Through working on their own stories, one has come out to his parents and another has started coming out to friends. We’d like to eventually self publish their stories (identifiable details changed of course).
At Pride this year the group had a stall. They had information about local groups (including ourselves), LGBT services and coming out. During the day an older man came up to the stand shook the hand of one of our young people, thanked them and started crying. It was his first Pride and he was overwhelmed by seeing the number of young people open and Out. He was 78 and only plucked up the courage to come out to his family the year before.
He thanked them for being brave enough to do what he couldn't.
You're never too old to be true to yourself, we all do it in our own time and when it's right for us, some people just take a little longer.
Saturday, 24 November 2012
Uganda: update
I'm sure most people know this already but I wanted to post on it.
After a massive campaign again this, the death penalty has been dropped from Uganda's Anti-Homosexuality Bill!
While this is a great step forward, it is worth noting that there are still a host of extreme punishments for LGBT people in the country including hard labour and long jail sentences up to life imprisonment. The bill hasn't passed yet, but there is a strong concern that it could be voted on at any time.
Part of this reversal has been due to international pressure brought by Western leaders. Many countries had threatened to cut off aid to the country if they included this punishment, and pressure still exists if they do not improve their record on equalities issues.
Have a look at this and this for more information.
If you want to sign another petition and keep up on other LGBT equality issues going on around the world then keep an eye on All Out. They are a movement organising online to fight for equality the world over. As I write this 1,218,004 people (including myself) have signed this and it is important to keep momentum for this up.
This issue came up at the conference, and it at first surprised me that many activists are against this stance. They do not want aid cut off for human rights violations and I couldn't understand why. But it's for the best possible reason: if aid is cut off due to violations against LGBT people then this is going to have a dangerous impact on the members of that community in Uganda. They would be blamed for worsening conditions and for vital supplies not getting to people living in horrific circumstances. The already high risk of abuse, violence and death that exists would increase exponentially.
I can only hope that David Cameron and other political leaders see the sense in this and don't take any action that could worsen already intolerable conditions for LGBT people in Uganda.
A small battle was won this week, but this fight is far from over, and while politicians negotiate and apply pressure, our LGBT brothers and sisters remain in danger and at threat of violence and persecution.
After a massive campaign again this, the death penalty has been dropped from Uganda's Anti-Homosexuality Bill!
While this is a great step forward, it is worth noting that there are still a host of extreme punishments for LGBT people in the country including hard labour and long jail sentences up to life imprisonment. The bill hasn't passed yet, but there is a strong concern that it could be voted on at any time.
Part of this reversal has been due to international pressure brought by Western leaders. Many countries had threatened to cut off aid to the country if they included this punishment, and pressure still exists if they do not improve their record on equalities issues.
Have a look at this and this for more information.
If you want to sign another petition and keep up on other LGBT equality issues going on around the world then keep an eye on All Out. They are a movement organising online to fight for equality the world over. As I write this 1,218,004 people (including myself) have signed this and it is important to keep momentum for this up.
This issue came up at the conference, and it at first surprised me that many activists are against this stance. They do not want aid cut off for human rights violations and I couldn't understand why. But it's for the best possible reason: if aid is cut off due to violations against LGBT people then this is going to have a dangerous impact on the members of that community in Uganda. They would be blamed for worsening conditions and for vital supplies not getting to people living in horrific circumstances. The already high risk of abuse, violence and death that exists would increase exponentially.
I can only hope that David Cameron and other political leaders see the sense in this and don't take any action that could worsen already intolerable conditions for LGBT people in Uganda.
A small battle was won this week, but this fight is far from over, and while politicians negotiate and apply pressure, our LGBT brothers and sisters remain in danger and at threat of violence and persecution.
Tales from Brighton
We went to the sea!
It's been 6 days and I'm only getting around to posting now because we've been having a busy week since we returned.
Brighton was amazing.
It's a beautiful city, the views out over the sea are stunning and people are friendly. In fairness, they get so many tourists, conferences, hen and stag parties it's probably a conditioned response but it made a difference compared to the grumpy service we'd normally get at home.
Despite the number of bars and restaurants they have, it's completely family friendly so it really is good for anyone.
As I mentioned in a previous post, we were there for a conference (it was the UNISON National LGBT Conference but I'll cover that in a different post) so most of the time there was spent on that. But luckily we arrived on the Thursday and the conference for us didn't start until 4pm on Friday, so we had plenty of time to explore.
I'm going to take you through a blow by blow account because that would be boring but there are some definite highlights.
Brighton Pier. It's amazing. It's like something from a 1980's family holiday (that's not a criticism) and is full of arcade machines, 2p machines (which David spent a small fortune on) and those grabby machines full of tacky cuddly toys. I do have to admit I wanted to try and win an Angry Birds teddy by resisted...because, you know I'm 29 and have enough childish traits. The pier is huge and if you're in the area you definitely need to go and see it. Stand at the very end, there's something liberating about being that far from land and nothing but water ahead of you.
Preto. This is a Brazilian steakhouse with branches (I've discovered) in London as well. We went there for dinner with my parents (did I mention they were at the conference as well? I was so happy to see them!). This is definitely a meatlovers restaurant. People bring meat on a spit. Until you tell them to stop. You could eat meat forever. Seriously though, the food is delicious and the service is amazing so if you have the opportunity give them your business.
On a sidenote, while we were there there was a gay couple sitting a few tables away with their son. It was one of the nicest, sweetest things I've ever seen.
Tolerance. Brighton is well known as an accepting, tolerant city and this is so true. There are LGBT everywhere. I mean I've heard people say that Brighton is a gay city, but until you see it for yourself it doesn't really sink in. The picture below really sums it up, I've never seen anything like that in other cities. There was one very unfortunate incident but I'll be coming onto that in another post.
Quality time. This was the best thing about the weekend. We got to spend some really quality time together even in the conference sessions. On Wednesday we agreed that there would be no talk about work the whole time we were away and that was amazing. We both do jobs that take up a lot of our time and thinking at home so it was nice to have a break from that. And we laughed so much it was like being a teenager again.
Before I forget, we found Choccywoccydoodah! We got so carried away that we didn't take any pictures! Now it's a bit expensive...for a small box of large, salted chocolate disks and pellets of white chocolate it was £17, but it really is like chocolate heaven. Some of the cakes there were incredible to look at. The skill, talent and vision that goes into them defies belief, and if we had the money, we would happily get our wedding cake from there!
If you need some time away and want to reconnect then go to Brighton for a few days, trust me you won't regret it!
It's been 6 days and I'm only getting around to posting now because we've been having a busy week since we returned.
Brighton was amazing.
It's a beautiful city, the views out over the sea are stunning and people are friendly. In fairness, they get so many tourists, conferences, hen and stag parties it's probably a conditioned response but it made a difference compared to the grumpy service we'd normally get at home.
Despite the number of bars and restaurants they have, it's completely family friendly so it really is good for anyone.
As I mentioned in a previous post, we were there for a conference (it was the UNISON National LGBT Conference but I'll cover that in a different post) so most of the time there was spent on that. But luckily we arrived on the Thursday and the conference for us didn't start until 4pm on Friday, so we had plenty of time to explore.
I'm going to take you through a blow by blow account because that would be boring but there are some definite highlights.
Brighton Pier. It's amazing. It's like something from a 1980's family holiday (that's not a criticism) and is full of arcade machines, 2p machines (which David spent a small fortune on) and those grabby machines full of tacky cuddly toys. I do have to admit I wanted to try and win an Angry Birds teddy by resisted...because, you know I'm 29 and have enough childish traits. The pier is huge and if you're in the area you definitely need to go and see it. Stand at the very end, there's something liberating about being that far from land and nothing but water ahead of you.
Preto. This is a Brazilian steakhouse with branches (I've discovered) in London as well. We went there for dinner with my parents (did I mention they were at the conference as well? I was so happy to see them!). This is definitely a meatlovers restaurant. People bring meat on a spit. Until you tell them to stop. You could eat meat forever. Seriously though, the food is delicious and the service is amazing so if you have the opportunity give them your business.
On a sidenote, while we were there there was a gay couple sitting a few tables away with their son. It was one of the nicest, sweetest things I've ever seen.
Tolerance. Brighton is well known as an accepting, tolerant city and this is so true. There are LGBT everywhere. I mean I've heard people say that Brighton is a gay city, but until you see it for yourself it doesn't really sink in. The picture below really sums it up, I've never seen anything like that in other cities. There was one very unfortunate incident but I'll be coming onto that in another post.
Quality time. This was the best thing about the weekend. We got to spend some really quality time together even in the conference sessions. On Wednesday we agreed that there would be no talk about work the whole time we were away and that was amazing. We both do jobs that take up a lot of our time and thinking at home so it was nice to have a break from that. And we laughed so much it was like being a teenager again.
Before I forget, we found Choccywoccydoodah! We got so carried away that we didn't take any pictures! Now it's a bit expensive...for a small box of large, salted chocolate disks and pellets of white chocolate it was £17, but it really is like chocolate heaven. Some of the cakes there were incredible to look at. The skill, talent and vision that goes into them defies belief, and if we had the money, we would happily get our wedding cake from there!
If you need some time away and want to reconnect then go to Brighton for a few days, trust me you won't regret it!
Quote of the Day
Russell Brand interviews two members of the Westboro Baptist Church.
I'm not always a massive fan of Mr Brand but he's shot up in my estimation after this!
I'm not always a massive fan of Mr Brand but he's shot up in my estimation after this!
Wednesday, 14 November 2012
A weekend by the sea!
We're going away this weekend!
Yes I'm excited and yes there are likely to be a lot of exclamation marks through this post!
The last time we went away together was in the last week of March when we went back to Scotland to visit family and friends (I'm from the West Coast of Scotland). It was great. We spent a few days with my folks in the small town they live and then in Glasgow with our friends.
Living so far away from my family when we do go away it tends to be for me to go back home. Alas it doesn't happen nearly often enough, and being almost 400 miles away it's not always possible for people to come and visit.
*Cue tiny violins*
But this weekend, tomorrow in fact, we're going away. To Brighton!
Now before I go much further I should say that it's for a conference so it's not all play. In fact it's not even mostly play time. But the important thing is it's away from here and together.
I've never been before and it's apparently a lovely place to visit. David's been loads of times (a distant ex of his was from there) so there are loads of places he wants to show me. The picture above is of Brighton Pier and it's one of the things I'm most excited about.
Having grown up on the banks of a river, being so close to water all the time became just part of the background and not something I paid a great deal of attention to. Until I moved. Even the air smells different. We live so far inland I don't trust it. There's so much...land.
So for four days I get to be away from our town WITH my man and right on the coast. The weather forecast is to be dry so fingers crossed it stays that way!
Before I wrap this up, I just want to mention one of the places we're going to try and track down between conference sessions. Choccywoccydoodah.
This is possibly the most eccentric cake shop I've ever come across. They have a reality program on some channel or other...that's pretty vague but I can't remember which one. And if you're wondering why I'm mentioning this specifically than check out the picture below.
Weekend away: check. Future husband: check. Water: check. Mounds of chocolate: check!
Yes I'm excited and yes there are likely to be a lot of exclamation marks through this post!
The last time we went away together was in the last week of March when we went back to Scotland to visit family and friends (I'm from the West Coast of Scotland). It was great. We spent a few days with my folks in the small town they live and then in Glasgow with our friends.
Living so far away from my family when we do go away it tends to be for me to go back home. Alas it doesn't happen nearly often enough, and being almost 400 miles away it's not always possible for people to come and visit.
*Cue tiny violins*
But this weekend, tomorrow in fact, we're going away. To Brighton!
Now before I go much further I should say that it's for a conference so it's not all play. In fact it's not even mostly play time. But the important thing is it's away from here and together.
I've never been before and it's apparently a lovely place to visit. David's been loads of times (a distant ex of his was from there) so there are loads of places he wants to show me. The picture above is of Brighton Pier and it's one of the things I'm most excited about.
Having grown up on the banks of a river, being so close to water all the time became just part of the background and not something I paid a great deal of attention to. Until I moved. Even the air smells different. We live so far inland I don't trust it. There's so much...land.
So for four days I get to be away from our town WITH my man and right on the coast. The weather forecast is to be dry so fingers crossed it stays that way!
Before I wrap this up, I just want to mention one of the places we're going to try and track down between conference sessions. Choccywoccydoodah.
This is possibly the most eccentric cake shop I've ever come across. They have a reality program on some channel or other...that's pretty vague but I can't remember which one. And if you're wondering why I'm mentioning this specifically than check out the picture below.
Weekend away: check. Future husband: check. Water: check. Mounds of chocolate: check!
Uganda...'nuff said
It always amazes me that in Western nations we talk about the campaign for gay rights coming so far. And it has. We have equality in many areas of life and campaigns are ongoing in others (see a recent post on same-sex marriage).
And because of this it's easy to overlook and forget developing nations where things are far from equal or even safe.
Like Uganda, for example.
Have a read at this. And while you're at it, this.
Anti-gay bills and zealous hatred of homosexuality is nothing new for Uganda, it's neighbour Kenya and other African nations such as Malawi. Men and women are outted in national papers. They are killed, in some cases by family, friends and neighbours. It is not safe to be LGBT in many countries on the African continent. Your life can literally hang in the balance if you are outted.
A quote from a BBC article a few months ago summed it up for me: "what I'm worried about most is not even the police coming to arrest me, it's my neighbour attacking me". For anyone who thinks this may be an overdramatisation, in January 2011, Ugandan gay rights activist David Kato was killed in what was widely believed to be a hate crime.
In 2011, Radio 1 DJ Scott Mills filmed a documentary called "The World's Worst Place to Be Gay?" I'd encourage everyone to watch it. But prepare yourself first.
Earlier this year Uganda's government tried to introduce a similar bill which among other things, introduced punishments up to and including life in prison and the death penalty if you were found guilty of homosexual offences. The bill was stopped in part due to an internet campaign that collected more than 800,000 signatures.
There is another petition currently being run by the organisation Avaaz and they are trying to collect 2,000,000 signatures this time round to try and stop this. Please take a few seconds to support this petition.
It is important that supporters of equality the world over spread the message and make a statement: equality for all!
I've been asked by people why we still fight for equality, why we still hold Pride marches and why we mark things like LGBT month. But this is why. It's to send a message that we're not finished yet, we're not entirely equal. It's to say that there are other LGBT people in the world that are still suffering and fighting for things that we take for granted.
And it's to give the LGBT community in those countries hope.
Things can get better, and we're in it with you.
And because of this it's easy to overlook and forget developing nations where things are far from equal or even safe.
Like Uganda, for example.
Have a read at this. And while you're at it, this.
Anti-gay bills and zealous hatred of homosexuality is nothing new for Uganda, it's neighbour Kenya and other African nations such as Malawi. Men and women are outted in national papers. They are killed, in some cases by family, friends and neighbours. It is not safe to be LGBT in many countries on the African continent. Your life can literally hang in the balance if you are outted.
A quote from a BBC article a few months ago summed it up for me: "what I'm worried about most is not even the police coming to arrest me, it's my neighbour attacking me". For anyone who thinks this may be an overdramatisation, in January 2011, Ugandan gay rights activist David Kato was killed in what was widely believed to be a hate crime.
In 2011, Radio 1 DJ Scott Mills filmed a documentary called "The World's Worst Place to Be Gay?" I'd encourage everyone to watch it. But prepare yourself first.
Earlier this year Uganda's government tried to introduce a similar bill which among other things, introduced punishments up to and including life in prison and the death penalty if you were found guilty of homosexual offences. The bill was stopped in part due to an internet campaign that collected more than 800,000 signatures.
There is another petition currently being run by the organisation Avaaz and they are trying to collect 2,000,000 signatures this time round to try and stop this. Please take a few seconds to support this petition.
It is important that supporters of equality the world over spread the message and make a statement: equality for all!
I've been asked by people why we still fight for equality, why we still hold Pride marches and why we mark things like LGBT month. But this is why. It's to send a message that we're not finished yet, we're not entirely equal. It's to say that there are other LGBT people in the world that are still suffering and fighting for things that we take for granted.
And it's to give the LGBT community in those countries hope.
Things can get better, and we're in it with you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)