Millie's Adventures

I've had cats for a long time. 

My mum's two cats, Molly and George, are great, though hard work and they can be quite demanding when they want to be.  I also have a lot of friends with cats.  Their pets, by comparison to ours, seem totally normal.

We've had Millie two years now, since she was about eight weeks old.  And we did what all proud parents of fur babies do: we splurged.  She was bought toys and combs, and special food and things for the litter tray.  And beds.  And pillows. 

This is what she chooses to sleep in:

For anyone who's wondering, that's the bath.

She sleeps in their so often, in fact, that she has adopted it as her official residence.  When we go for a bath, she stands on the side and cries at us until we get out.  Once she even tried to walk across the bubbles (I've said before she isn't very bright).  We've had to warn guests to our house that when you go to the guest bathroom (we have an ensuite in our room), she will follow you and sit outside the door.  It's like she's making sure you leave the place as you find it.

I feel like the caption to this photo should be "I can haz bathtub".

Date Night

We went on a date tonight.  It's been the first time in a couple of weeks we've been able to do that because of David's shifts and money etc.  You know, real life stuff.

With it being a school night for both of us we didn't do anything heavy, just a trip to the pics.  After much deliberation we decided on Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, the film based on the classic spy novel by John le Carré, the former MI5 & MI6 agent turned novelist.  I should point out at this time that David wasn't keen on it.  Really, really wasn't.  But I got my own way and that's what we went to see.

The film was...well it was a little disappointing, truth be told. 

But like everything, there were some positives.

Gary Oldman was amazing, but then he usually is.  His portrayal of the taciturn, stoic George Smiley was excellent, and as the character communicated primarily through non-verbal cues, it's testament to his not inconsiderable acting ability that he managed to communicate every thought and emotion Smiley felt so well.  Also of note was Tom Hardy as Ricki Tarr and Benedict Cumberbatch as Smiley's lackey Peter Guillam.

The latter rather convincingly plays an in the closet gay man in the early 70's, who is posed with a difficult choice half way through the film.  When their undercover operation is at risk of exposure, Smiley advises Guillam to essentially tie up his loose ends.  It's at this point that it's confirmed that he is in fact gay when he breaks up with his partner, the implication being that he does this in case he is killed in the line of duty.  The subsequent emotional breakdown, despite only being on screen for a few seconds, was heart tugging.

Enough of that though. 

I won't say much more about the film in case you go and see it;  make your own mind up.  Despite some good performances it wasn't for either of us, but I wasn't that surprised considering I'm a huge Spooks fan.  That's more my kind of spy drama.  You know, trashy and compelling.  David's opinion on the film can best be summed up by the twenty minute power nap he managed to grab half way through.

But the best bit of the night was definitely the time we got to spend together.

Lately we've had to spend so much time at home for various reasons that cabin fever started setting in big time.  We're not a couple who are prone to arguing or bickering.  Partly because we just take the piss out of each other and partly because when I start spoiling for a fight David tells me to get over myself and that leaves me speechless.  But as I said, cabin fever has been setting in, and this led us to bitching at each other every now and then

Tonight was a breath of fresh air.

Getting out of the house was David's idea, and what an idea it was.  We found ourselves going back to being childish and affectionate in public with more reckless abandon than normal.  It was great!  We got some scared looks from the straight people, and a very confused one from a middle aged woman in the picture hall who couldn't stop staring at us.  It was only when I put my head on his shoulder that she seemed to get it.  I just smiled at her.

Despite us being together for years now I'm still learning about relationships in general, and ours in particular.  You can never stop making the effort.  When you get complacent about spending that quality time together things just don't work out.  I've seen it with lots of friends and am definitely trying to learn from their example.  So we've decided that once a week we're going to do something out of the confines of the flat, anything, just as long as we're together.

For any couples who are looking to shine the sparkle on their relationship I'd recommend date night.  It's fun, it helps you reconnect, and best of all, if you're a gay couple you can scare the straight people!

Lady Gaga - Hair @ iHeartRadio Music Festival

Quote of the Day

"I am a man who loves men, and I am proud to wear that uniform and fight for things like gay marriage, but I also look forward to the day when I can take that uniform off and just be me, a human being not defined by sexuality or religion or place or residence.  I would like for there to be a day when all kids grow up in a world in which they will not be judged negatively based on who they fall in love with."

Randy Roberts Potts, writer

Leona Naess - Leave Your Boyfriend Behind

Is It Just Me....?

Well, is it?  I should probably explain before anyone can answer that question.

Every now and then, my partner and I buy Attitude.  This is a gay lifestyle (the UK's best selling magazine according to a strap at the top).  I've been reading Attitude on and off for a long time, probably about ten years now. 

In my early twenties it was an essential buy, I had it's release date marked on my calendar and eagerly rushed to WH Smith to buy it...although I always had a non-transparent bag to hand to thrust it into in case someone caught a look of it.  I was out and proud, but normally in the confines of my own home.  And if I'm honest, it did seem to represent the lifestyle I was living and seeing on a daily basis.  At the time. 

But I thought that had changed.

Where the hell was I when it didn't?!

This months Attitude is their annual sex issue.  I had bought this thinking there were going to be articles away from the usual smut, and to be fair there are. 

Paul Flynn's "Just sayin'...." was an interesting take on why sleeping with a straight man isn't the "Holy Grail of sex".  It's witty, personal and entertaining, while leaving you nodding your head.  There's a thought provoking, though biased, look at threesomes and an article on gay men becoming fathers that I've yet to properly look at.

Yet it left me with an empty feeling deep in that heart of mine.

Few of the men in the magazine seemed to have the kind of body shape and look of the men in my life.  Hell, there didn't seem to be a man with a waist size bigger than a 34.  Myself and my partner are...generously proportioned men.  Let's leave it at that.  It would be nice for once to see someone who looks like us and the people we know.  Figures vary, but apparently the average waist size of British men is 38 inches.  Where are these men?

This line of thinking led me to looking at the gay men represented on television. 

Eastenders have the obscenely muscled and toned Christian Clarke, played by John Patridge; Hollyoaks have the twink-like Ste Hay played by Kieron Richardson; and Emmerdale has the chavy looking Aaron Livesy who is portrayed by the talented Danny Miller.

I don't look like any of those men.  Really, REALLY don't.  Not anywhere near.  Couldn't be farther from it.

Now, my own body issues aside, am I unreasonable for wanting to see some more realistic looking gay men in magazines and on TV?  The gay community has a huge collage of sub cultures with the most diverse men.  From bears and cubs to twinks and daddys and chickens and chickenhawks, there's a lot more to gay men than what we see represented.

From Attitude's point of view I can understand that they need to pitch to a particular audience, and as a lot of the lifestyle spreads they print focus on clothes (with respect, there is not the same disproportionate number of spreads on clothes as there used to be), they want to show a certain kind of man.  But for once, just for once, I'd love to see an issue that is filled with average sized men.  Or at least average sized as I see it in my day-to-day life.

So I ask you, is it just me?

Paws Up Forever Project

I came across this incredible project the other day and wanted to share this with you all.  Following Jamie Rodemeyer's tragic suicide (see my post from yesterday), a group of inspirational young people got together and made a video aimed at other young people who may be considering suicide.

In their own words:

"This project is dedicated to Jamie Rodemeyer and the fight to stop bullying/ suicide all over the world.  150 monsters all over the world, one message.  Make a law for Jamie."

For more information have a look at their website, which can be found here.

I've seen it and it's incredible.  I watched with first time through with a catch in my throat and tears in my eyes that so many young people (150!!!) would come together and do something so profound to stop other young people taking such a final step.

If they can get it right, why can't the rest of us?

Millie's Adventures

There's something that I should explain before I go any further.

Millie is our cat, and she is beautiful and wonderfully affectionate.  In fact she's scarily human-like.  But she's not very bright.  She has just realised after 18 months of us living in this flat that she can actually climb on the counters in the kitchen, the window sills in the bathrooms and actually sleep on the couch.

After a busy afternoon of doing whatever cats do when people aren't around this is what I came home too:

Note the dazed look; that's how she always looks.

Quote of the Day

"There's one big fact that's not back up.  There is no proof that there's ever anything like a gay, lesbian or bisexual or transgendered child, or teen or human.  One of the other things you're gonna see as I mentioned is a big campaign GLSEN's gonna roll out this year calling for 'respect,' respect!  Not just for people, but for homosexual lifestyle.  The PR campaign to hold up gay as a good thing: the lifestyle, not the person, because there are no such human."

Linda Harvey, founder of Mission America

A Work in Progress

So here we go.  My first blog.  It makes me a little nervous to put myself, my thoughts and my opinions out there for the world to see.  But like the title says, it's a work in progress.

Why am I doing this?  Partly because I've always had strong opinions (as many members of my friends and family have told me in the past, and my partner tells me on a daily basis), and partly because I think that if you believe something you should speak out.  So here I am.  Speaking out.

Something happened recently which upset and infuriated me and led to this blog being set up. 

Jamie Rodemeyer, a 14 year old high school student from Buffalo, New York committed suicide after months, if not years, of bullying because other students thought he was gay.  The fact that he was is irrelevant.  One of the most tragic aspects of this story is that barely five months ago he made a video as part of the Trevor Project's It Get Better Campaign.  If you haven't seen the amazing work they're doing check it out.

Jamie's tragic death comes less than a year after an epidemic of gay suicides in America saw more than six young men take their own lives in a matter of weeks.  And they were all being bullied for being gay.  The youngest was 13 and the oldest only 18.  Really think about that for a minute.  13 and 18.

Suicide is an issue the world round and is one of those issues that transcends all barriers.  There's no denying this.  But LGBT young people seem particularly vulnerable.  In a study published in May, the online journal Pediatrics found that LGBT young people are up to 5 times as likely to attempt suicide, and LGBT young people in an unsupportive environment were 20% more likely again.  That is truly frightening.

This is never going to be an issue that can be solved in a day.  It can't possibly be.  What is needed is a huge cultural shift in all areas of life.  There is some wonderful work happening out there, most recently by new organisation Diversity Role Models who are working in schools to prevent homophobic bullying.  We need to do more.  I don't have all the answers.  Hell, I don't really have any of the answers, but I would love to be part of the solution.

For the young people who have already gone all we can do is mourn for the life they would have had and learn from their examples.  To the young people who are thinking that this is their only option, the only thing I would say right now is:

It Gets Better.

And it really does.