Couldn't have said it better myself
Saturday 15 October 2011
What's in a word?
While trolling the internet, as you do, I came across a debate being held on American panel show The View (it's like Loose Women but with actual intelligent conversation). They were discussing a hunting camp in the States that used the N-Word as part of the name, but when Barbara Walters used the word, panelist Sherri Shepherd had issues.
Have a look:
I can see both sides, of this, but my opinion isn't what I wanted to discuss here. Rather, what is there actually to a word?
Sherri Shepherd is offended by a white person using the N-Word, and it got me thinking about the word faggot. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to call it the F-Word, but I'm not going to.
I hate the word faggot.
It makes me feel physically sick. I don't say it, I don't like other people (any other people) saying it, I don't even like reading it.
But it's only a word. So surely that makes this whole issue silly?
I admire anyone who feels they can reclaim a word. Comedian Scott Capurro (an openly gay man) is fond of using the word faggot. A lot. And similarly, rappers regularly use the N-Word in their raps. Is that what we're supposed to do? Are we reclaiming formerly discriminatory? Are we supposed to use them? If so, then I'm a bad gay; someone needs to revoke my membership, or at the very least, give me some kind of penalty point.
Is it liberating? Do we somehow liberate ourselves from previous (and current) discrimination by using those names that were used to mock us and grind us down? It doesn't make me feel liberated. I don't feel that using a word like faggot can be positive, it doesn't make me feel good. Don't misunderstand, it doesn't make me feel ashamed, but it's not a word I want to turn in to a positive.
I'd like to leave faggot to the homophobes and remind myself that gay was originally meant to mean Good As You.
Have a look:
I can see both sides, of this, but my opinion isn't what I wanted to discuss here. Rather, what is there actually to a word?
Sherri Shepherd is offended by a white person using the N-Word, and it got me thinking about the word faggot. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to call it the F-Word, but I'm not going to.
I hate the word faggot.
It makes me feel physically sick. I don't say it, I don't like other people (any other people) saying it, I don't even like reading it.
But it's only a word. So surely that makes this whole issue silly?
I admire anyone who feels they can reclaim a word. Comedian Scott Capurro (an openly gay man) is fond of using the word faggot. A lot. And similarly, rappers regularly use the N-Word in their raps. Is that what we're supposed to do? Are we reclaiming formerly discriminatory? Are we supposed to use them? If so, then I'm a bad gay; someone needs to revoke my membership, or at the very least, give me some kind of penalty point.
Is it liberating? Do we somehow liberate ourselves from previous (and current) discrimination by using those names that were used to mock us and grind us down? It doesn't make me feel liberated. I don't feel that using a word like faggot can be positive, it doesn't make me feel good. Don't misunderstand, it doesn't make me feel ashamed, but it's not a word I want to turn in to a positive.
I'd like to leave faggot to the homophobes and remind myself that gay was originally meant to mean Good As You.
Fleas 1 - 1 People
Ah fleas, fleas, fleas.
The war continues.
After a frantic five hour clean last Friday and treating Millie, we discovered that nothing had worked. By Monday they were flouting their continued mortality in our faces. 1-0 to the fleas. There had been a noticeable reduction, probably due to my crazy cleaning schedule, but they were still here.
So further action had to be taken.
A quick trip to Pets At Home, an overly expensive purchase of Frontline Spot-On later, and we thought we were sorted. By Wednesday, there was no sign it was working. Panic was beginning to set in. I had images of us having to get an exterminator in to fumigate the place. But then on Thursday there was a light at the end of the tunnel. The fleas started dying!
By Friday there were only a few fleas, and as of this morning, they are scurrying for their young, insectoid lives. So the score currently is:
Fleas 1 - 1 People.
The war continues.
After a frantic five hour clean last Friday and treating Millie, we discovered that nothing had worked. By Monday they were flouting their continued mortality in our faces. 1-0 to the fleas. There had been a noticeable reduction, probably due to my crazy cleaning schedule, but they were still here.
So further action had to be taken.
A quick trip to Pets At Home, an overly expensive purchase of Frontline Spot-On later, and we thought we were sorted. By Wednesday, there was no sign it was working. Panic was beginning to set in. I had images of us having to get an exterminator in to fumigate the place. But then on Thursday there was a light at the end of the tunnel. The fleas started dying!
By Friday there were only a few fleas, and as of this morning, they are scurrying for their young, insectoid lives. So the score currently is:
Fleas 1 - 1 People.
Sunday 9 October 2011
Let the attack begin
There are ten countries in the world that have legalised same-sex marriage; the Scottish Executive is planning to consult on whether or not Scotland should become the eleventh.
Have a look at this.
I'm proud to be Scottish, and I am proud to be gay. Both of these things are parts of my identity, and both have been important to helping me become the person I am.
When I first read this article I was angry.
Here is Bishop Tartaglia, a representative of the Catholic Church in Scotland and he has the audacity to talk about "the religious and moral education of children and young people". Really? REALLY?! Considering the scandal and controversy of clergy in the Catholic Church, and the steady stream of accusations that comes out year on year, I hardly think Bishop Tartaglia is in a position to talk about moral education. Here is a man who is attacking the rights of people to express their love and committment to one another the same as everyone else. How dare he!
But on reflection I'm glad he's launching his campaign. Yes, you read that correctly, I'm glad.
He is bringing what is an important issue to the public consciousness. By challenging the consultation on same-sex marriage that the Scottish Executive is launching, he is forcing people to think about an issue they might not have paid much attention to. People will be educated, and educating themselves, on same-sex marriage and what they think about it. Surely that can only be a good thing?
No doubt there will be LGBT groups preparing a counter campaign and argument at this very moment, and it will be through the discourse of these two sides that hopefully people will find a middle ground they can relate to and be able to make an informed decision on what they believe.
In my opinion, the voice of the Catholic Church has become very much diluted in the public consciousness, but I would encourage Bishop Tartaglia to go forward with his plans to send postcards to 100,000 parishioners opposing this important step forward, he's doing us a favour.
It gives me hope that Portugal and Spain, two countries known for being over-whelmingly Catholic and conservative, are two of the countries in that exclusive club Scotland are looking to join. Same-sex marriage in Scotland will be an important step forward for equality law all around the world, and will hopefully set a benchmark on this issue around Britain.
I hope when that happens Bishop Tartaglia realises the important part he played in that victory.
Have a look at this.
I'm proud to be Scottish, and I am proud to be gay. Both of these things are parts of my identity, and both have been important to helping me become the person I am.
When I first read this article I was angry.
Here is Bishop Tartaglia, a representative of the Catholic Church in Scotland and he has the audacity to talk about "the religious and moral education of children and young people". Really? REALLY?! Considering the scandal and controversy of clergy in the Catholic Church, and the steady stream of accusations that comes out year on year, I hardly think Bishop Tartaglia is in a position to talk about moral education. Here is a man who is attacking the rights of people to express their love and committment to one another the same as everyone else. How dare he!
But on reflection I'm glad he's launching his campaign. Yes, you read that correctly, I'm glad.
He is bringing what is an important issue to the public consciousness. By challenging the consultation on same-sex marriage that the Scottish Executive is launching, he is forcing people to think about an issue they might not have paid much attention to. People will be educated, and educating themselves, on same-sex marriage and what they think about it. Surely that can only be a good thing?
No doubt there will be LGBT groups preparing a counter campaign and argument at this very moment, and it will be through the discourse of these two sides that hopefully people will find a middle ground they can relate to and be able to make an informed decision on what they believe.
In my opinion, the voice of the Catholic Church has become very much diluted in the public consciousness, but I would encourage Bishop Tartaglia to go forward with his plans to send postcards to 100,000 parishioners opposing this important step forward, he's doing us a favour.
It gives me hope that Portugal and Spain, two countries known for being over-whelmingly Catholic and conservative, are two of the countries in that exclusive club Scotland are looking to join. Same-sex marriage in Scotland will be an important step forward for equality law all around the world, and will hopefully set a benchmark on this issue around Britain.
I hope when that happens Bishop Tartaglia realises the important part he played in that victory.
A bit of culture this way comes
Swindon isn't a place that is known for being particularly tolerant to anyone. Well, unless you happen to be white, English and from "round here".
So imagine my surprise when I came across this.
As a gay man considered a foreigner by many in Swindon, despite being Scottish, I think this represents a huge step forward, both for library system here and the town itself. I haven't yet been in to Central Library to have a look at their LGBT collection, but as I work quite close it's on my list of exciting lunchtime activities to do this week. I'm cautiously hopeful that it will be a collection and not just one or two books on a shelf, and represent a real step forward for LGBT education in Swindon. Let's face it, it's in dire need.
For various reasons we weren't able to make it along to the showing, which was disappointing for both of us. Having wanted to see A Single Man for a while now, Central Library showing it has given me the impetous to push it to the top of my list.
Seeing the library do something so positive makes me think back to something similar I tried to do that fell flat on it's arse.
My last job was with a local FE college, so the students who attend tend to be those who have dropped out of school for various reasons, may have issues that make main stream schooling difficult, or people who just didn't get the grades they needed to go to an HE college or university.
Over the course of the year I had delivered several sessions to students on equality, nothing heavy or particularly detailed, just touching on the issue. The response I got was frightening because so many of the young people were narrow minded, unaware of wider social issues and by and large just discriminatory. And these were students who wanted to be teachers, nurses or work in similar fields. Needless to say I was terrified.
It was clear that a lot of these young people had barely travelled outside of Wiltshire, some outside of their own towns and hadn't engaged with anyone else that wasn't "like them". That should have been my first clue.
In my naïveté, I had thought it would be a good idea to mark this year's LGBT History Month by holding an open showing of the film Milk. For anyone who hasn't seen it, it's the biopic of Harvey Milk who was an LGBT activist and politician. It's a fantastic piece of cinema, and a film that's had a huge affect on me. Man was I short sighted.
Having gotten some of the teaching staff on board, three or four classes were brought down, all Level 3, so those students who are supposedly ready to go to university.
The showing was horrendous.
They struggled to keep their attention on the film, were restless, didn't care about the underlying issues that it raised and generally disrespected the whole experience. Now I respect everyone's right to an opinion, and some of those watching the film may be opposed to LGBT rights or same sex relationships and that is their right.
But I took great offence when almost the entire hall CHEERED when the scene depicting Harvey Milk's assassination was shown.
This isn't a rant about how homophobic these students were, or anything like that.
I'm sure the majority of them aren't. This is a comment on education and tolerance. And not just education on LGBT issues, but any diversity issue. I'm pretty sure that if I'd shown Monsters Ball or Schindler's List the reaction would have been the same.
Education comes from lots of places. The media, home, peer groups, schools, colleges and universities. Hell even grafiti on the street.
Considering this area is so lacking in this, I applaud Swindon Central Library for taking such a bold and brave step forward.
So imagine my surprise when I came across this.
As a gay man considered a foreigner by many in Swindon, despite being Scottish, I think this represents a huge step forward, both for library system here and the town itself. I haven't yet been in to Central Library to have a look at their LGBT collection, but as I work quite close it's on my list of exciting lunchtime activities to do this week. I'm cautiously hopeful that it will be a collection and not just one or two books on a shelf, and represent a real step forward for LGBT education in Swindon. Let's face it, it's in dire need.
For various reasons we weren't able to make it along to the showing, which was disappointing for both of us. Having wanted to see A Single Man for a while now, Central Library showing it has given me the impetous to push it to the top of my list.
Seeing the library do something so positive makes me think back to something similar I tried to do that fell flat on it's arse.
My last job was with a local FE college, so the students who attend tend to be those who have dropped out of school for various reasons, may have issues that make main stream schooling difficult, or people who just didn't get the grades they needed to go to an HE college or university.
Over the course of the year I had delivered several sessions to students on equality, nothing heavy or particularly detailed, just touching on the issue. The response I got was frightening because so many of the young people were narrow minded, unaware of wider social issues and by and large just discriminatory. And these were students who wanted to be teachers, nurses or work in similar fields. Needless to say I was terrified.
It was clear that a lot of these young people had barely travelled outside of Wiltshire, some outside of their own towns and hadn't engaged with anyone else that wasn't "like them". That should have been my first clue.
In my naïveté, I had thought it would be a good idea to mark this year's LGBT History Month by holding an open showing of the film Milk. For anyone who hasn't seen it, it's the biopic of Harvey Milk who was an LGBT activist and politician. It's a fantastic piece of cinema, and a film that's had a huge affect on me. Man was I short sighted.
Having gotten some of the teaching staff on board, three or four classes were brought down, all Level 3, so those students who are supposedly ready to go to university.
The showing was horrendous.
They struggled to keep their attention on the film, were restless, didn't care about the underlying issues that it raised and generally disrespected the whole experience. Now I respect everyone's right to an opinion, and some of those watching the film may be opposed to LGBT rights or same sex relationships and that is their right.
But I took great offence when almost the entire hall CHEERED when the scene depicting Harvey Milk's assassination was shown.
This isn't a rant about how homophobic these students were, or anything like that.
I'm sure the majority of them aren't. This is a comment on education and tolerance. And not just education on LGBT issues, but any diversity issue. I'm pretty sure that if I'd shown Monsters Ball or Schindler's List the reaction would have been the same.
Education comes from lots of places. The media, home, peer groups, schools, colleges and universities. Hell even grafiti on the street.
Considering this area is so lacking in this, I applaud Swindon Central Library for taking such a bold and brave step forward.
Millie's Adventures
It's a hard life for a cat. What with all the sleeping and eating and being pampered. After a particularly warm and inactive day, Millie took refuge at the top of the DVD stand.
What a week!
First of all, apologies for the lack of posts this week, it's been a hectic week at work and at home.
I started a new job a couple of months ago (I'm going to keep it quiet what I do) and I really like it. The team of people I work with are really nice, easy going people who work damn hard and complain so little. When I started I was told that every day is different. In other jobs this is just something you're told that's rarely true. Not so with this one.
This week I have visited four sites I had never been too, played spy by having to drive around observing a bus driver, read up on the terms of a contract and ran a very successful (if I do say so myself) focus group. Never have I ever been able to act like a spy and be paid for it!!!
Things at home have been busy as well.
We've been out on a couple of more dates. Seems like a silly thing, but it's amazing the wonders it can do for your relationship. We've always been close as a couple, but this week it feels like we've managed to get even closer, it's lovely. At the start of the week we went to the wonderful Bottelinos for dinner. It's five minutes walk and the food is to die for. And they do the best bottle (yes, always a bottle) of Pinot Grigio that I've ever had. Well worth the money! The second date was just a quick bite to eat at a Wotherspoons one night after work. Cheap, cheerful and relaxing!
But the biggest thing that has consumed our household over the last couple of days is fleas! Disgusting little blighters.
Despite Millie being a house cat, she has picked up fleas from somewhere. Not quite sure how the hell this has happened, if anyone has any thoughts then PLEASE leave a comment, but it has taken over everything. As David is at work, I've been doing the housework. And I think I might have taken it a bit far.
Apart from treating the cat for fleas, which hasn't worked so we need to do it again on Tuesday with a different product, I spent FIVE hours on Friday boil washing bed clothes and towels, bleach washing every surface the cat can possible get on to, and a few she can't, and hoovering everywhere. Repeatedly.
Yesterday morning I was hoovering at 8am. The neighbours weren't happy but David slept through the whole ordeal.
And we both have phantom itches when in the living room. I've read about this online and apparently it's quite common, but man is it annoying! Through it all Millie has looked a little perturbed at us doing the extreme cleaning and annoyed that I'm brushing her fur all the time.
Please tell me I'm not the only person whose gone to this extreme?
Oh, and the other thing that's happened this week is we've started properly talking and planning our Civil Partnership, but more on that little event another time!
I started a new job a couple of months ago (I'm going to keep it quiet what I do) and I really like it. The team of people I work with are really nice, easy going people who work damn hard and complain so little. When I started I was told that every day is different. In other jobs this is just something you're told that's rarely true. Not so with this one.
This week I have visited four sites I had never been too, played spy by having to drive around observing a bus driver, read up on the terms of a contract and ran a very successful (if I do say so myself) focus group. Never have I ever been able to act like a spy and be paid for it!!!
Things at home have been busy as well.
We've been out on a couple of more dates. Seems like a silly thing, but it's amazing the wonders it can do for your relationship. We've always been close as a couple, but this week it feels like we've managed to get even closer, it's lovely. At the start of the week we went to the wonderful Bottelinos for dinner. It's five minutes walk and the food is to die for. And they do the best bottle (yes, always a bottle) of Pinot Grigio that I've ever had. Well worth the money! The second date was just a quick bite to eat at a Wotherspoons one night after work. Cheap, cheerful and relaxing!
But the biggest thing that has consumed our household over the last couple of days is fleas! Disgusting little blighters.
Despite Millie being a house cat, she has picked up fleas from somewhere. Not quite sure how the hell this has happened, if anyone has any thoughts then PLEASE leave a comment, but it has taken over everything. As David is at work, I've been doing the housework. And I think I might have taken it a bit far.
Apart from treating the cat for fleas, which hasn't worked so we need to do it again on Tuesday with a different product, I spent FIVE hours on Friday boil washing bed clothes and towels, bleach washing every surface the cat can possible get on to, and a few she can't, and hoovering everywhere. Repeatedly.
Yesterday morning I was hoovering at 8am. The neighbours weren't happy but David slept through the whole ordeal.
And we both have phantom itches when in the living room. I've read about this online and apparently it's quite common, but man is it annoying! Through it all Millie has looked a little perturbed at us doing the extreme cleaning and annoyed that I'm brushing her fur all the time.
Please tell me I'm not the only person whose gone to this extreme?
Oh, and the other thing that's happened this week is we've started properly talking and planning our Civil Partnership, but more on that little event another time!
Thursday 6 October 2011
Saturday 1 October 2011
Driving, oh driving, why do you torture me so?
Back in March I started taking driving lessons again. Six months later and I've made huge strides, but it torments me.
I'm 28 and originally took lessons (under duress) when I was 18. I hated it. It made me nervous, my instructor was an arsehole (pardon my language) and it just wasn't for me. So at the earliest opportunity, away went the lessons. Financial difficulties you see.
And for nearly ten years I was able to put my (lack of) ability to drive in a box and ignore it. Everywhere I had lived and worked had great public transport links so it wasn't all that important.
And then something changed.
Last August I started a job that made driving compulsory. Despite my lack of a licence I was hired, but on the condition that I passed my test as quickly as possible. Being the master of procrastination, I managed to sneak under the radar for a couple of months. Not my proudest moment, but the thought of getting behind the wheel of a car again made me break out in cold sweats.
So I started with a highly recommended instructor, and to be fair, he is amazing. It's like learning to drive with Yoda. He always knows what I'm thinking and has brought my writing on leaps and bounds. I even booked my driving test! It seems like something trivial, but that was a huge step for me, and really told me how far I'd come, mentally if nothing else.
Then I hit a block.
Bad, bad lessons. Endlessly bad lessons. So many bad lessons that my confidence was shot to hell. Ok, upon reflection it was probably only three or four, but it was enough to knock back all that progress. And during the week I took the decision to move my test back. If I don't feel confident about passing at this point then going and sitting a test would be a stupid move.
Today I had another lesson, and I don't mind admitting that I was worried...ok I was shitting a brick (again, sorry for the language).
But it was good, for once.
We went back to basics for the first part of the lesson and what a difference. Mentally, I felt more sorted, and technically it was a huge improvement. The first of many good lessons I'm hoping.
So what is my point with this post?
Well, firstly I just want to rant about driving and how it's been the bane of my life for nearly ten years now.
But more importantly, this has been something hanging over my head like a noose. It has weighed me down and worried me for a long time with. After getting a good boot up the arse by a good friend (I'm not apologising for the language anymore) and having a good instructor and my partner to rant to, I'm able to overcome it.
If I can get to booking my driving test then anyone can.
I'm 28 and originally took lessons (under duress) when I was 18. I hated it. It made me nervous, my instructor was an arsehole (pardon my language) and it just wasn't for me. So at the earliest opportunity, away went the lessons. Financial difficulties you see.
And for nearly ten years I was able to put my (lack of) ability to drive in a box and ignore it. Everywhere I had lived and worked had great public transport links so it wasn't all that important.
And then something changed.
Last August I started a job that made driving compulsory. Despite my lack of a licence I was hired, but on the condition that I passed my test as quickly as possible. Being the master of procrastination, I managed to sneak under the radar for a couple of months. Not my proudest moment, but the thought of getting behind the wheel of a car again made me break out in cold sweats.
So I started with a highly recommended instructor, and to be fair, he is amazing. It's like learning to drive with Yoda. He always knows what I'm thinking and has brought my writing on leaps and bounds. I even booked my driving test! It seems like something trivial, but that was a huge step for me, and really told me how far I'd come, mentally if nothing else.
Then I hit a block.
Bad, bad lessons. Endlessly bad lessons. So many bad lessons that my confidence was shot to hell. Ok, upon reflection it was probably only three or four, but it was enough to knock back all that progress. And during the week I took the decision to move my test back. If I don't feel confident about passing at this point then going and sitting a test would be a stupid move.
Today I had another lesson, and I don't mind admitting that I was worried...ok I was shitting a brick (again, sorry for the language).
But it was good, for once.
We went back to basics for the first part of the lesson and what a difference. Mentally, I felt more sorted, and technically it was a huge improvement. The first of many good lessons I'm hoping.
So what is my point with this post?
Well, firstly I just want to rant about driving and how it's been the bane of my life for nearly ten years now.
But more importantly, this has been something hanging over my head like a noose. It has weighed me down and worried me for a long time with. After getting a good boot up the arse by a good friend (I'm not apologising for the language anymore) and having a good instructor and my partner to rant to, I'm able to overcome it.
If I can get to booking my driving test then anyone can.
Thursday 29 September 2011
Millie's Adventures
I've had cats for a long time.
My mum's two cats, Molly and George, are great, though hard work and they can be quite demanding when they want to be. I also have a lot of friends with cats. Their pets, by comparison to ours, seem totally normal.
We've had Millie two years now, since she was about eight weeks old. And we did what all proud parents of fur babies do: we splurged. She was bought toys and combs, and special food and things for the litter tray. And beds. And pillows.
This is what she chooses to sleep in:
For anyone who's wondering, that's the bath.
She sleeps in their so often, in fact, that she has adopted it as her official residence. When we go for a bath, she stands on the side and cries at us until we get out. Once she even tried to walk across the bubbles (I've said before she isn't very bright). We've had to warn guests to our house that when you go to the guest bathroom (we have an ensuite in our room), she will follow you and sit outside the door. It's like she's making sure you leave the place as you find it.
I feel like the caption to this photo should be "I can haz bathtub".
My mum's two cats, Molly and George, are great, though hard work and they can be quite demanding when they want to be. I also have a lot of friends with cats. Their pets, by comparison to ours, seem totally normal.
We've had Millie two years now, since she was about eight weeks old. And we did what all proud parents of fur babies do: we splurged. She was bought toys and combs, and special food and things for the litter tray. And beds. And pillows.
This is what she chooses to sleep in:
For anyone who's wondering, that's the bath.
She sleeps in their so often, in fact, that she has adopted it as her official residence. When we go for a bath, she stands on the side and cries at us until we get out. Once she even tried to walk across the bubbles (I've said before she isn't very bright). We've had to warn guests to our house that when you go to the guest bathroom (we have an ensuite in our room), she will follow you and sit outside the door. It's like she's making sure you leave the place as you find it.
I feel like the caption to this photo should be "I can haz bathtub".
Date Night
We went on a date tonight. It's been the first time in a couple of weeks we've been able to do that because of David's shifts and money etc. You know, real life stuff.
With it being a school night for both of us we didn't do anything heavy, just a trip to the pics. After much deliberation we decided on Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, the film based on the classic spy novel by John le Carré, the former MI5 & MI6 agent turned novelist. I should point out at this time that David wasn't keen on it. Really, really wasn't. But I got my own way and that's what we went to see.
The film was...well it was a little disappointing, truth be told.
But like everything, there were some positives.
Gary Oldman was amazing, but then he usually is. His portrayal of the taciturn, stoic George Smiley was excellent, and as the character communicated primarily through non-verbal cues, it's testament to his not inconsiderable acting ability that he managed to communicate every thought and emotion Smiley felt so well. Also of note was Tom Hardy as Ricki Tarr and Benedict Cumberbatch as Smiley's lackey Peter Guillam.
The latter rather convincingly plays an in the closet gay man in the early 70's, who is posed with a difficult choice half way through the film. When their undercover operation is at risk of exposure, Smiley advises Guillam to essentially tie up his loose ends. It's at this point that it's confirmed that he is in fact gay when he breaks up with his partner, the implication being that he does this in case he is killed in the line of duty. The subsequent emotional breakdown, despite only being on screen for a few seconds, was heart tugging.
Enough of that though.
I won't say much more about the film in case you go and see it; make your own mind up. Despite some good performances it wasn't for either of us, but I wasn't that surprised considering I'm a huge Spooks fan. That's more my kind of spy drama. You know, trashy and compelling. David's opinion on the film can best be summed up by the twenty minute power nap he managed to grab half way through.
But the best bit of the night was definitely the time we got to spend together.
Lately we've had to spend so much time at home for various reasons that cabin fever started setting in big time. We're not a couple who are prone to arguing or bickering. Partly because we just take the piss out of each other and partly because when I start spoiling for a fight David tells me to get over myself and that leaves me speechless. But as I said, cabin fever has been setting in, and this led us to bitching at each other every now and then
Tonight was a breath of fresh air.
Getting out of the house was David's idea, and what an idea it was. We found ourselves going back to being childish and affectionate in public with more reckless abandon than normal. It was great! We got some scared looks from the straight people, and a very confused one from a middle aged woman in the picture hall who couldn't stop staring at us. It was only when I put my head on his shoulder that she seemed to get it. I just smiled at her.
Despite us being together for years now I'm still learning about relationships in general, and ours in particular. You can never stop making the effort. When you get complacent about spending that quality time together things just don't work out. I've seen it with lots of friends and am definitely trying to learn from their example. So we've decided that once a week we're going to do something out of the confines of the flat, anything, just as long as we're together.
For any couples who are looking to shine the sparkle on their relationship I'd recommend date night. It's fun, it helps you reconnect, and best of all, if you're a gay couple you can scare the straight people!
With it being a school night for both of us we didn't do anything heavy, just a trip to the pics. After much deliberation we decided on Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, the film based on the classic spy novel by John le Carré, the former MI5 & MI6 agent turned novelist. I should point out at this time that David wasn't keen on it. Really, really wasn't. But I got my own way and that's what we went to see.
The film was...well it was a little disappointing, truth be told.
But like everything, there were some positives.
Gary Oldman was amazing, but then he usually is. His portrayal of the taciturn, stoic George Smiley was excellent, and as the character communicated primarily through non-verbal cues, it's testament to his not inconsiderable acting ability that he managed to communicate every thought and emotion Smiley felt so well. Also of note was Tom Hardy as Ricki Tarr and Benedict Cumberbatch as Smiley's lackey Peter Guillam.
The latter rather convincingly plays an in the closet gay man in the early 70's, who is posed with a difficult choice half way through the film. When their undercover operation is at risk of exposure, Smiley advises Guillam to essentially tie up his loose ends. It's at this point that it's confirmed that he is in fact gay when he breaks up with his partner, the implication being that he does this in case he is killed in the line of duty. The subsequent emotional breakdown, despite only being on screen for a few seconds, was heart tugging.
Enough of that though.
I won't say much more about the film in case you go and see it; make your own mind up. Despite some good performances it wasn't for either of us, but I wasn't that surprised considering I'm a huge Spooks fan. That's more my kind of spy drama. You know, trashy and compelling. David's opinion on the film can best be summed up by the twenty minute power nap he managed to grab half way through.
But the best bit of the night was definitely the time we got to spend together.
Lately we've had to spend so much time at home for various reasons that cabin fever started setting in big time. We're not a couple who are prone to arguing or bickering. Partly because we just take the piss out of each other and partly because when I start spoiling for a fight David tells me to get over myself and that leaves me speechless. But as I said, cabin fever has been setting in, and this led us to bitching at each other every now and then
Tonight was a breath of fresh air.
Getting out of the house was David's idea, and what an idea it was. We found ourselves going back to being childish and affectionate in public with more reckless abandon than normal. It was great! We got some scared looks from the straight people, and a very confused one from a middle aged woman in the picture hall who couldn't stop staring at us. It was only when I put my head on his shoulder that she seemed to get it. I just smiled at her.
Despite us being together for years now I'm still learning about relationships in general, and ours in particular. You can never stop making the effort. When you get complacent about spending that quality time together things just don't work out. I've seen it with lots of friends and am definitely trying to learn from their example. So we've decided that once a week we're going to do something out of the confines of the flat, anything, just as long as we're together.
For any couples who are looking to shine the sparkle on their relationship I'd recommend date night. It's fun, it helps you reconnect, and best of all, if you're a gay couple you can scare the straight people!
Tuesday 27 September 2011
Monday 26 September 2011
Quote of the Day
"I am a man who loves men, and I am proud to wear that uniform and fight for things like gay marriage, but I also look forward to the day when I can take that uniform off and just be me, a human being not defined by sexuality or religion or place or residence. I would like for there to be a day when all kids grow up in a world in which they will not be judged negatively based on who they fall in love with."
Randy Roberts Potts, writer
Is It Just Me....?
Well, is it? I should probably explain before anyone can answer that question.
Every now and then, my partner and I buy Attitude. This is a gay lifestyle (the UK's best selling magazine according to a strap at the top). I've been reading Attitude on and off for a long time, probably about ten years now.
In my early twenties it was an essential buy, I had it's release date marked on my calendar and eagerly rushed to WH Smith to buy it...although I always had a non-transparent bag to hand to thrust it into in case someone caught a look of it. I was out and proud, but normally in the confines of my own home. And if I'm honest, it did seem to represent the lifestyle I was living and seeing on a daily basis. At the time.
But I thought that had changed.
Where the hell was I when it didn't?!
This months Attitude is their annual sex issue. I had bought this thinking there were going to be articles away from the usual smut, and to be fair there are.
Paul Flynn's "Just sayin'...." was an interesting take on why sleeping with a straight man isn't the "Holy Grail of sex". It's witty, personal and entertaining, while leaving you nodding your head. There's a thought provoking, though biased, look at threesomes and an article on gay men becoming fathers that I've yet to properly look at.
Yet it left me with an empty feeling deep in that heart of mine.
Few of the men in the magazine seemed to have the kind of body shape and look of the men in my life. Hell, there didn't seem to be a man with a waist size bigger than a 34. Myself and my partner are...generously proportioned men. Let's leave it at that. It would be nice for once to see someone who looks like us and the people we know. Figures vary, but apparently the average waist size of British men is 38 inches. Where are these men?
This line of thinking led me to looking at the gay men represented on television.
Eastenders have the obscenely muscled and toned Christian Clarke, played by John Patridge; Hollyoaks have the twink-like Ste Hay played by Kieron Richardson; and Emmerdale has the chavy looking Aaron Livesy who is portrayed by the talented Danny Miller.
I don't look like any of those men. Really, REALLY don't. Not anywhere near. Couldn't be farther from it.
Now, my own body issues aside, am I unreasonable for wanting to see some more realistic looking gay men in magazines and on TV? The gay community has a huge collage of sub cultures with the most diverse men. From bears and cubs to twinks and daddys and chickens and chickenhawks, there's a lot more to gay men than what we see represented.
From Attitude's point of view I can understand that they need to pitch to a particular audience, and as a lot of the lifestyle spreads they print focus on clothes (with respect, there is not the same disproportionate number of spreads on clothes as there used to be), they want to show a certain kind of man. But for once, just for once, I'd love to see an issue that is filled with average sized men. Or at least average sized as I see it in my day-to-day life.
So I ask you, is it just me?
Every now and then, my partner and I buy Attitude. This is a gay lifestyle (the UK's best selling magazine according to a strap at the top). I've been reading Attitude on and off for a long time, probably about ten years now.
In my early twenties it was an essential buy, I had it's release date marked on my calendar and eagerly rushed to WH Smith to buy it...although I always had a non-transparent bag to hand to thrust it into in case someone caught a look of it. I was out and proud, but normally in the confines of my own home. And if I'm honest, it did seem to represent the lifestyle I was living and seeing on a daily basis. At the time.
But I thought that had changed.
Where the hell was I when it didn't?!
This months Attitude is their annual sex issue. I had bought this thinking there were going to be articles away from the usual smut, and to be fair there are.
Paul Flynn's "Just sayin'...." was an interesting take on why sleeping with a straight man isn't the "Holy Grail of sex". It's witty, personal and entertaining, while leaving you nodding your head. There's a thought provoking, though biased, look at threesomes and an article on gay men becoming fathers that I've yet to properly look at.
Yet it left me with an empty feeling deep in that heart of mine.
Few of the men in the magazine seemed to have the kind of body shape and look of the men in my life. Hell, there didn't seem to be a man with a waist size bigger than a 34. Myself and my partner are...generously proportioned men. Let's leave it at that. It would be nice for once to see someone who looks like us and the people we know. Figures vary, but apparently the average waist size of British men is 38 inches. Where are these men?
This line of thinking led me to looking at the gay men represented on television.
Eastenders have the obscenely muscled and toned Christian Clarke, played by John Patridge; Hollyoaks have the twink-like Ste Hay played by Kieron Richardson; and Emmerdale has the chavy looking Aaron Livesy who is portrayed by the talented Danny Miller.
I don't look like any of those men. Really, REALLY don't. Not anywhere near. Couldn't be farther from it.
Now, my own body issues aside, am I unreasonable for wanting to see some more realistic looking gay men in magazines and on TV? The gay community has a huge collage of sub cultures with the most diverse men. From bears and cubs to twinks and daddys and chickens and chickenhawks, there's a lot more to gay men than what we see represented.
From Attitude's point of view I can understand that they need to pitch to a particular audience, and as a lot of the lifestyle spreads they print focus on clothes (with respect, there is not the same disproportionate number of spreads on clothes as there used to be), they want to show a certain kind of man. But for once, just for once, I'd love to see an issue that is filled with average sized men. Or at least average sized as I see it in my day-to-day life.
So I ask you, is it just me?
Paws Up Forever Project
I came across this incredible project the other day and wanted to share this with you all. Following Jamie Rodemeyer's tragic suicide (see my post from yesterday), a group of inspirational young people got together and made a video aimed at other young people who may be considering suicide.
In their own words:
"This project is dedicated to Jamie Rodemeyer and the fight to stop bullying/ suicide all over the world. 150 monsters all over the world, one message. Make a law for Jamie."
In their own words:
"This project is dedicated to Jamie Rodemeyer and the fight to stop bullying/ suicide all over the world. 150 monsters all over the world, one message. Make a law for Jamie."
For more information have a look at their website, which can be found here.
I've seen it and it's incredible. I watched with first time through with a catch in my throat and tears in my eyes that so many young people (150!!!) would come together and do something so profound to stop other young people taking such a final step.
If they can get it right, why can't the rest of us?
Sunday 25 September 2011
Millie's Adventures
There's something that I should explain before I go any further.
Millie is our cat, and she is beautiful and wonderfully affectionate. In fact she's scarily human-like. But she's not very bright. She has just realised after 18 months of us living in this flat that she can actually climb on the counters in the kitchen, the window sills in the bathrooms and actually sleep on the couch.
After a busy afternoon of doing whatever cats do when people aren't around this is what I came home too:
Millie is our cat, and she is beautiful and wonderfully affectionate. In fact she's scarily human-like. But she's not very bright. She has just realised after 18 months of us living in this flat that she can actually climb on the counters in the kitchen, the window sills in the bathrooms and actually sleep on the couch.
After a busy afternoon of doing whatever cats do when people aren't around this is what I came home too:
Note the dazed look; that's how she always looks.
Quote of the Day
"There's one big fact that's not back up. There is no proof that there's ever anything like a gay, lesbian or bisexual or transgendered child, or teen or human. One of the other things you're gonna see as I mentioned is a big campaign GLSEN's gonna roll out this year calling for 'respect,' respect! Not just for people, but for homosexual lifestyle. The PR campaign to hold up gay as a good thing: the lifestyle, not the person, because there are no such human."
Linda Harvey, founder of Mission America
A Work in Progress
So here we go. My first blog. It makes me a little nervous to put myself, my thoughts and my opinions out there for the world to see. But like the title says, it's a work in progress.
Why am I doing this? Partly because I've always had strong opinions (as many members of my friends and family have told me in the past, and my partner tells me on a daily basis), and partly because I think that if you believe something you should speak out. So here I am. Speaking out.
Something happened recently which upset and infuriated me and led to this blog being set up.
Jamie Rodemeyer, a 14 year old high school student from Buffalo, New York committed suicide after months, if not years, of bullying because other students thought he was gay. The fact that he was is irrelevant. One of the most tragic aspects of this story is that barely five months ago he made a video as part of the Trevor Project's It Get Better Campaign. If you haven't seen the amazing work they're doing check it out.
Jamie's tragic death comes less than a year after an epidemic of gay suicides in America saw more than six young men take their own lives in a matter of weeks. And they were all being bullied for being gay. The youngest was 13 and the oldest only 18. Really think about that for a minute. 13 and 18.
Suicide is an issue the world round and is one of those issues that transcends all barriers. There's no denying this. But LGBT young people seem particularly vulnerable. In a study published in May, the online journal Pediatrics found that LGBT young people are up to 5 times as likely to attempt suicide, and LGBT young people in an unsupportive environment were 20% more likely again. That is truly frightening.
This is never going to be an issue that can be solved in a day. It can't possibly be. What is needed is a huge cultural shift in all areas of life. There is some wonderful work happening out there, most recently by new organisation Diversity Role Models who are working in schools to prevent homophobic bullying. We need to do more. I don't have all the answers. Hell, I don't really have any of the answers, but I would love to be part of the solution.
For the young people who have already gone all we can do is mourn for the life they would have had and learn from their examples. To the young people who are thinking that this is their only option, the only thing I would say right now is:
It Gets Better.
And it really does.
Why am I doing this? Partly because I've always had strong opinions (as many members of my friends and family have told me in the past, and my partner tells me on a daily basis), and partly because I think that if you believe something you should speak out. So here I am. Speaking out.
Something happened recently which upset and infuriated me and led to this blog being set up.
Jamie Rodemeyer, a 14 year old high school student from Buffalo, New York committed suicide after months, if not years, of bullying because other students thought he was gay. The fact that he was is irrelevant. One of the most tragic aspects of this story is that barely five months ago he made a video as part of the Trevor Project's It Get Better Campaign. If you haven't seen the amazing work they're doing check it out.
Jamie's tragic death comes less than a year after an epidemic of gay suicides in America saw more than six young men take their own lives in a matter of weeks. And they were all being bullied for being gay. The youngest was 13 and the oldest only 18. Really think about that for a minute. 13 and 18.
Suicide is an issue the world round and is one of those issues that transcends all barriers. There's no denying this. But LGBT young people seem particularly vulnerable. In a study published in May, the online journal Pediatrics found that LGBT young people are up to 5 times as likely to attempt suicide, and LGBT young people in an unsupportive environment were 20% more likely again. That is truly frightening.
This is never going to be an issue that can be solved in a day. It can't possibly be. What is needed is a huge cultural shift in all areas of life. There is some wonderful work happening out there, most recently by new organisation Diversity Role Models who are working in schools to prevent homophobic bullying. We need to do more. I don't have all the answers. Hell, I don't really have any of the answers, but I would love to be part of the solution.
For the young people who have already gone all we can do is mourn for the life they would have had and learn from their examples. To the young people who are thinking that this is their only option, the only thing I would say right now is:
It Gets Better.
And it really does.
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